Wednesday, October 22, 2008

a lil' bita birthday cake...

My husband James is the minister of worship at our church in Green Bay, and the other day he sent out an email to his group of singers and is such a beautiful message. He titles it "For your Consideration" Read on...
...."looking back now I can see what I thought was a trial was really a blessing..."
A few days ago I was driving around and that line came to mind. Nothing more, nothing less. No melody, not yet a song (hopefully in the future, though); one simple line.Yesterday was Nathan's first birthday. To think of all that has changed in our home, in our lives, and in us in one short year! It's actually getting hard to remember what it was like before Nate, and even though times were good; somehow they seem incomplete. As most of you know by now, those first 3 months of Jill's pregnancy were stressful, as the prior pregnancy ended prematurely in that time frame.
After the 12 week hurdle was crossed, we thought it was clear sailing for the next 6 months - but it simply was not to be.There was in fact about a 3 week 'honeymoon' period with no extra stress. I say that, because you parents out there know that even a 'normal' pregnancy can cause much anxiety and upheavel. But back on July 06 (Jill's birthday, ironically); the (first) specialists brought us in to a small, sterile conference room after another ultrasound and told us our little baby had big problems. Spina bifida, severe mental retardation, doubtful to ever talk or walk, and on and on with the most horrific things any new parent would never want to hear.We were shell-shocked, numb really. The doctor's delivery was so stoic, without any emotion or compassion. It seemed like the room was shrinking and the oxygen was non-existent. Too stunned to even cry, suddenly jolted again when we heard, “most parents choose to abort at this stage because...”
STOP. Stop right there. That's enough.
Have you ever had that moment? Where you've reached your load limit and you can no longer listen, but must speak? I remember feeling something right then. I know the Lord was in that room with us, and I feel sure it was His voice that spoke through me and said, “Let me tell you a little bit about US now....we believe God has given us this child, and no matter the diagnosis, God has created him perfectly in His image. We, under no circumstance would consider anything other than preserving and protecting this gift from God – end of conversation!” (Jill did not want to return to any specialist after that visit, because no medical information would change our minds...but we requested a new doctor for one more visit...and were blessed beyond description to have Dr. Chauhan as our specialist for the remainder of Jill's pregnancy!)
That moment changed many things for us, but not everything.We were understandably nervous, not about if our baby would have any issues, but simply because we did not KNOW, and that's where faith comes in. I remember Jill saying, “even though he's literally inches away, he might as well be on the moon.” So close, so far away. But the moment he was born and we held him, we knew everything was going to be o.k. Jill has a great story of How God spoke to her in the hospital – she'll share that in the future. So now one year has quickly gone. And our boy who, according to recent statistics, is typically aborted a staggering 90% of the time, is alive and well. Healthy, happy, and whole.Is it easy? Of course not, but is it ever?
We have therapy twice a month, and some things come a little harder, but it simply makes each part of the journey that much more rewarding.So now, one year along, I can clearly see that although I was fully convinced God was testing us, trying us, and allowing us to endure hardship for some reason known only to Him – I was wrong. Completely wrong.So if you have found yourself today in the midst of what you think is a great trial, give it some time. Ask God to help you release the situation to Him, and to give you His perspective of it.You see, all along Nate was a blessing. It wasn't Nate that changed, it was me. Blessings, Pastor James

No comments:

Post a Comment