This morning I had to go to LaForce hardware to pick up master keys for one of my properties. That business is right next door to the Boys and Girls Club on Oneida St. That's where Andrew used to have basketball practice last year, and it hit me really hard because I miss him so much. I Remember dropping him off or picking him up throughout the basketball season and how much fun it was just having in the car with me. It's funny how something and come out the blue right at you unexpectedly. It makes me love this town because this is where my memories are. So I thought I grabbed my phone and make some notes so I could blog again more frequently like I've been telling myself every day that I should do. Days go by and I forget the little things that make my life so full of joy. I don't want to forget those times, like today. Even though it was a hard memory, it's still brings joy to me because it reminds me of someone that I love very much. So like I said, I grab my phone and open up my notes app so I can write it down, in the first note that opens up is in his graduation party. How funny is that.
I have been thinking about Andrew this morning anyway, because he called me yesterday to tell me that his charger for his Mac didn't work anymore and he needed a new one. I was making a mental note to text James to see if he knew what kind it was so we could order new one for him.
I am reminded how the ins and outs of life weave a beautiful tapestry.
This morning when I was getting Nate ready for school, he was sitting on the couch and I was putting on his socks, orthotics and shoes. (He's wearing those cool Jordan high-tops!)
Anyway, before I put his socks on I grab his little feet and rub them and rub his ankles and kisses all of his toes and I think, "I know I did this with my other kids!"
It's just so hard to remember them being that little. But I know I did, because I can remember saying some of the same things to them that I say to Nate. So I just want to say it officially right here and right now....Natie you have the cutest little baby feet and I never miss an opportunity to kiss them and kiss you. Every chance I get, little boy, I kiss your face your neck your head and your feet. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you like I love Andrew, like I love Hannah, like I love Maddie....I just didn't write it down back then, and I should have.
I was making Nate's sandwich for lunch and he says, "no mom. Hot lunch" And I looked at his lunch calendar and saw that it was going to be pancakes and eggs and I asked him, "do you want pancakes and eggs for lunch? There's pudding for dessert...!"
he said yes! to that so I'm like ok, well....eat your sandwich for breakfast then.
He's like, alright so he grabs his fishing pics from yesterday...
It was a horrible drive to Silver Birch Ranch...it rained pouring down the entire drive. I got sooooo lost. I finally made it there about 8:00 pm and everyone was heading into the cafe for frozen hot chocolate. It's a totally cool place. All down the stairwell there are these water jugs full of stones commemorating the salvation of hundreds of students/campers throughout the years. Their names are on the stones.
We hung out with Andrew for awhile then went back to the cabin...he stayed up late and played righteous ball with some if the other students.
My last blog said in 1 week it would be time to take Andrew to school.
Tonight is his last night home!
While I was cooking dinner, Andrew was dozing on the couch. I said, "Andrew?" And he replied, "mm?" And I said, "I don't want you to go. I'm going to really miss you. It won't be the same here without your laughter and smile..." And then I went on for about 10 minutes telling him all the ways I love him and am proud of him and what a leader he is and that I look forward to hearing about all the great things God will do in his life this next year. I'm so happy I had the chance to pour in the good stuff...I really needed to do that.
So I made tenderloin for dinner....Tony was over so that made it special...and afterward Andrew and James went to the store for a few last-minute things. And a movie.
Always a movie for those two.
Like it's any other normal night.
In many ways it is. But in one big way, it is not.
My boy is leaving home.
I have been willing myself not to break down and bawl like a baby.
I want to!
But Hannah needed all of her work papers filled out, and Nate needed attention in the bathroom, if you know what I mean. The kitchen was a wreck from dinner and I could find everybody else's birth certificate but Andrew's. He says he gave it back to me after taking it to Gilly's...it's just one if those things. Crazy last-minute stuff and I thought I had one more full day with him but James said they were leaving after lunch tomorrow and all of a sudden the thought of losing 3 or 4 hours in the afternoon with him seems like a tragedy like they are the most valuable 3 or 4 hours of my life when all summer I thought I had thousands of 3 or 4 hours.
I know I will see him later, after work. I will drive up and be with him and spend the night and have time with him then.
I know he'll be home for 5 weeks over the holidays.
I know he will only be a few hours away, and that it's only for a year.
I know all of that.
I also know it is more than that.
I know I am letting him go.
So I'll sign off now, and go into the living room and say goodnight for the last time for a long time.