Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Will I love him as much as my dog?

Unbelievably, I asked my mother this very question when I was pregnant with my first child, Andrew. At that time I had a dog that I loved very much...a springer spaniel named Rodeo.

Me and Rodeo at my apartment in Orlando-circa 1993.

As I recall, my mom didn't even glance up from what she was doing. Her response was immediate, "Jill" she said, "you won't even remember you have a dog."

I chuckle when I recall this story. I get an even bigger kick when I see young, carefree couples who have pets (and treat them as their children)...because I know as soon as they have their first child, they will probably ask the same question I did when Andrew was born.

"Dog? What dog?"

Well, for me my mother's words were very true. As much as I loved Rodeo, my affection and adoration for my son made everything else seem trivial.

When I was expecting my second child, I again asked my mother what now seems like an even more absurd question....but at the time was so pressing!
"How can I possibly love this child as much as I love Andrew?"

I will never forget her answer. She said, "Jill, you don't need to cut the pie into pieces.
You just get another pie."

Indeed. She was right again. Another pie....and now a third pie! I'm a lucky girl.
My mom had four kids, and none disabled.
She can't give advice on what it feels like to have a child like Nate.

But I can.

Now... I don't know about any of you, but there is a different kind of love goin' on in my life these days...and I'm not saying it is greater or better than my pies, I'm just trying to say it's different.

I have had two "typical" children of my own. I have two delicious pies.
As a blended family and sharing equal custody, I am lucky enough to be a (step)-mom to a third delightful pie.

Hey, I know pies of all kinds.

And now we have Natie...and here's what I can tell you...

I can't get enough...I mean to say....I can't keep my hands off this kid. I still cry with over-flowing adoration when I put him to bed sometimes. I want to bury my face in his neck and smooch his soft skin as often as I can get away with it! His face and his expressions send me over the moon. When he learns something new I want to jump up and down and tell the neighbors.
I don't ever want to set him down; I want to give him the entire world; I never want to let him go.
He is the apple of my eye, the end of the rainbow and a never-ending source of bubbling-over delight.
He is rivers of joy.
So I have come to this conclusion; when Nate was born, I did NOT get another pie.

I got a triple-decker-oozing -with -decadent- fudgey- cream-and -covered-in cherries-and-dripping in marshmallows-yummy-to-overflowing- chocolate cake


  1. I asked my mother the same question when I was pregnant with my second child. I always wondered if other people thought that.

  2. Love this post! I too wondered (when I had my second and third) if I would love more or less, same or different. You are so right Jill, the answer is simply.DIFFERENT! Each of my boys have their own personalities and our relationships are all......different. More or less..........(nah).........SIMPLY.DIFFERENT.

  3. Loved your moms comments and it made me chuckle. I have two puppies I ADORE and my husband I are thinking about having children soon. I SWEAR I was thinking I wonder if I will love a baby like I love ROGUE :) Thanks for the giggle.

  4. What a beautiful post!!! I remember when I was pregnant with my second child I thought the same thing... will I be able to love a second child as much as my first. Then we received the diagnosis of DS and I thought, "Can I love her as much as my son?" Hindsight put that notion in it's place. How silly I was on both counts. My kids are so precious and FILL my heart!

  5. Hi Jill, Great to hear your voice today. I can't believe I missed this post. Beautiful and heartfelt! Funny, I asked that same question after my 1st was born and 2nd, but by the time John Michael came around, I knew the mathematics of love. But it was different and still is... in a very good way. Hope to talk to you soon.